i am grateful for December 31, 2007
- the truth; setting me free
- public broadcasting
- hot yoga clarity
- my christmas gift of financial freedom (thanks bro)
ottawa-itis December 26, 2007
i think i’m eternally haunted by ottawa. what is it about this mid-sized, completely suburban (even the urban), governmentalist, perma-frosty town that keeps my interest? it hasn’t been physical home for 6 years and emotional home for 4 but still - at least once every couple of weeks i have a vivid, point-of-view, acute-daydreamy type thing of a completely mundane ottawa experience.
all of a sudden i’m walking along the canal from confederation park to the rideau centre, passing under the bridge with the tagged spiral stairs to my right. or it’s sussex outside social, tipsy and cold in uncomfortable shoes. not just memories: they’re more intrusive and distinctly unsettling. i’ll document them here for now on in hopes that - just like ghosts are supposed to- if i acknowledge them they’ll go away.
general one:
i used to smoke a joint and start cutting up clothes to remake them into other, cooler clothes (usually slutty tops i then wore out to dance all night to deep dish and nick warren, SIGH). but my sewing never progressed - i was stuck on slutty tops (and progressive house) for years.
bah humbukkah and drama dreams December 20, 2007
is it physically impossible for it all to be more ridiculous, contrived and creepy or is it just me?
why did i spend $150 for gifts, an entire saturday and what seemed like 14 hours driving to almost MISSION for a christmas party that couldn’t have been more awkward? it was practically the ozarks and everyone laughed at the charming story about the woman of the house asking her new black neighbour, while he cut the lawn to his three-quarter of a million dollar house, how much he charges and could he do her trimming too? definition of excruciating in the middle of mulletville sprawl with repressed middle-aged wasp’s straining to be the most convincingly fake, and yes i know full-well how bitter i am right now!
why am i having reoccurring and tension-filled, traumatic dreams about stealing beautifully packaged, sparkly make-up? always the ultimate shade of pinky-gold eyeshadow or the ever-elusive perfect peachy blush - what is this trying to tell me?
one of my favourite university classes was the psychology of personal development; and my favourite section was dream analysis. my prof said objects or people who appear in your dreams are often symbols for what they represent to you. she suggested the way to decode the symbol was to think: if i had to explain this thing or person to an alien or someone who had no idea about them how would i describe it? think “Blink”- Type, Malcolm-Gladwell-esque first impressions. like, a rose: i’d say red, prickly, means love.
sounds simplistic, i know - but by writing down my dreams and paying close attention i’ve been able to have what feels like real success figuring some of them out. i’m still obsessing about the make-up one so let’s try.
Make-Up:
makes you feel pretty
can cover flaws
comes in nice wrapping
and, because i have to steal it, it’s something i shouldn’t have
harumph, and bah humbug, if this dream is about men somebody is going to pay.
i am grateful for December 20, 2007
seguras viudas cava administered liberally
spinach dip and edamame
expo boulevard (my newly-discovered ninja-shortcut into downtown)
only two more days
fuzzy kitten belly and sleepy kitten eye kisses
my fireplace
38% annual price increases
only two more effing daze
being able to pull off ‘fearless’ when i’m quaking inside
only one more present
freeing myself, feeling myself
too mohr daze
It’s Not Me E-Harmony, It’s You December 11, 2007
After 3 weeks the honeymoon is over and i’m out. Notwithstanding an early flurry of initially seemingly-perfect matches my 3 week E-Harmony experience has been a dishearteningly disappointing affair. Upon closer inspection the matches weren’t really that perfect at all - or that matchy. the final straw came last friday when i was matched with both a MARINE and an EVANGELIST. this is not a joke, but if it was someone else’s life i would be laughing too so go right ahead.
I freely admit that i’m picky; freakishly, unreasonably and irrationally picky but I’m hopeful that the realization that it’s a real problem is beginning to enter my consciousness. my next plan of attack is to determine what my dealbreakers are and what i can budge (slightly) on. Because apparently people have these things.
anyway, apparently i’m not the only one whose experience with E-Harmony doused the warm fuzzies inspired by the creepishly related-looking cult-couples featured in their ads. Like Robert S. I too had trouble figuring out how to make a clean break from E-Harmony. You really have to dig around the account settings to get out, and if you don’t do it by a certain day of the month you get charged a non-refundable monthly fee. You’d think a service about relationships would be easier to dump.
Happy Pre-Festivus to You, and to You All a Good Buy December 10, 2007
are you halfway through a preholiday orgasm of excessive consumerism or is that just me? how can i not afford a proper bathmat but i’ve already forked out more hundreds than i’m allowing myself to fully process on things i would LOVE to own myself but can’t afford?
this must be why people drink so much during the holidaze; to numb the absurdity, guilt and sheer financial terror of it all.
speaking of lapses in judgment i bought myself an amazing shruggy wrappy bluey gray thing that i can throw over the other 10 million tops i have that of that exact colour. i’m stalling really, because the real news is scarier than people thinking i’m a girly-girl because i have swingy (and newly-trimmed and fabulous) hair*: i bought leggings. see how i just slipped that in all casual-like; that takes practice. anyway, two pair: opaque black and of course, bluey gray to match the aforementioned 10 million tops. my delusional economic excuse is that i’ve already spent an obscene amount on knee high, black superhero boots that i’ve only worn twice. leggings will allow me to better amortize the cost of the boots (see how easy that is, that also takes work).
hair that’s long enough to swing and bounce and visible leg; this is uncharted territory. i will report back soon.
oh, an eric update for those who’ve asked; i’ve eaten enough whip gallery yam fries and eggplant parmesans (secured on completely spontaneous takeout runs having nothing to do with running into him again and asking him out, of course) to seriously reconsider wearing leggings in public. no developments to report.
* thank you andrea at caramel
