psychologically speaking a schema is a deeply engrained pattern of thought. whispering direction and twisting incoming information mercilessly, schemas are tenacious survivors that imprint information that reinforce them – and discard challenges without a glance.
my schema has always been there, whispering to me that i’m worthless. initially as imperceptible as the inside of my skin, i have recently learned to inspect it. to observe the pain, tucked safely behind a teflon mind. sometimes i even laugh. sometimes.
other times its fingers are around my throat before i remember to remember that it’s there. sometimes it takes a day – others i’m pinned to the mat for a week.
my schema is the most intimidating fucking adversary i could ever imagine. i can’t wait until i win.
